The Food Whore Revisited

Yesterday, after consulting with the scale, I was thrilled to note that I am down a total of 33 pounds over the past 90 days. What was even more amazing than the absence of so much lard off my butt, hips, and other regions, was the realization that that for the first time in my life, I am also not plagued by a complete battery of self-doubt about it all. There is no, “Gosh, I hope this keeps working!” It’s a good feeling to finally feel like I might have some semblance of control over this situation.

At the urging of a few people who have heard some of my ramblings on this topic, I am reinvigorating the ‘Food Whore’ web page. My weight has, for most of my 41 years, been my greatest battle. Just as in real warfare, the reasons for the conflict are complex. Through my personal experiences, and the experiences of others, I hope to unravel and examine some of those complexities. The hope, the desire, is that others may find the revelation they need conquer this or similar demons in their own existence.

I won’t claim to have all the answers, nor will I claim that this is the only path to success. It’s the path that’s working for me, and I endeavor to make it a healthy and fruitful path that may work for others, too.

Along those same lines, I’ll remind people that this is perhaps not the place to peruse if one is easily offended. Occasionally, there might be profanity here. There might be things that are profane without four-letter words. In my mind, being a hundred pounds over weight is profane in its own right.

I was told yesterday, “The fact that you’re getting real with yourself is EXACTLY what you should write about.” How I got here wasn’t a pretty experience, so telling that tale likely won’t be, either. It’s okay if we disagree about things. And if you just can’t stomach what I have to say, there’s always the big red X in your upper right-hand corner. I’m okay with that, too.

With that, I bring you today’s Dear Diary moment:

Dear Diary:

Last night was confirmation that I truly am a food whore. I don’t know if it was because I’d been hungry all day, or if it was because of the funny conversation I had with MC, but last night, all my dreams were about FOOD. Not just any food, but the stuff that I lust after—hot buttered rolls, barbequed steak, steamed shrimp in decadent sauces, and ice cream. Each time I had these dreams, I felt guilty like I’d done something forbidden, illicit. Strange.

Today, I ate:

Breakfast:

¾ cup vanilla low fat yogurt
3 canned pear halves, canned in juice.

Lunch:

1 cup of spinach and chive pasta noodles (part of my last Trader Joe’s strike!) w ½ tsp butter
4 cherry tomatoes
one tortilla chip

I couldn’t resist the chip, and was triumphant with the willpower to only eat one.

Supper:

1 cup of black beans sprinkled with about a tablespoon of Romano cheese
1 medium carrot—diced and steamed with toasted sesame seeds
1 dinner roll with 1 tsp butter

I drank four glasses of water and three glasses of straight green tea.

To reshape my body today:

I did 45 minutes of core-focused exercises tailored to work around my healing knee.

Today, I weigh: 204.2 Total weight loss: 33 lbs.